Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Obsession

Call me vain, but I am obsessed at watching the stats page for my small-time blog. I'll just sit here and keep pressing Apple+R every couple of  seconds  minutes to see if the little graph has gone any higher. It goes up and down and up and down and it's like being on a freaking roller-coaster. Although I imagine it being more like a monster with very poor dental care sinking its crooked teeth deeper into the realm of the Internet and I'm its master, sitting back in my lair, cackling as I watch the Blongster's progress. It may be a small blongster, but one day it will grow to be big and strong. 


Maybe I shouldn't name my blog monster Blongster. It just brings to mind some sort of hairy,  phallic-shaped monster with horrible teeth rampaging about. And Blongster is awfully close to Blingster, so now Blongster is not only hairy, phallic-shaped and lacking good dental genes, but someone went and bejazzled it with loads of bling. And a mobster hat so that people will take it seriously. And it has crab claws.


Seriously, if you saw this thing crawling toward you, you'd want to do whatever the hell it tells you to do wouldn't you?
Blongster says: READ THIS BLOG
Except, with those teeth, it would probably sound more like TREED TISS CLOD.


So, do as Blongster says: keep treeding tiss clod. FEED MY VANITY.




**APPLE+R, APPLE+R, APPLE+R, APPLE+R, APPLE+R, APPLE+R**
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9 comments:

  1. kinselJuly 20, 2011 at 5:22 PM

    I'm totally not cackling while watching the stats graph rise.
    Nope.
    Not all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. bonzoWhaleJuly 20, 2011 at 5:31 PM

    If I saw that thing I could consider it my peer... mostly because I have the exact same hat.

    Also, I do that too... WordPress makes pretty graphs of the page views on my blog, every day before a new post I check the graphs.

    And also all day long.

    ReplyDelete
  3. lacremaJuly 20, 2011 at 5:52 PM

    DO NOT SEND THE BLONGSTER AFTER ME IT IS SCARY. For real, that looks like a yeti peen that detached from the main body and started rampaging. It is like the counterpart to vagina dentata! Man, if you put me in charge of sex ed we would have ZERO KIDS being born in exactly NINE MONTHS.

    Also, TWO POSTS IN TWO DAYS?? You are blogging like a BOSS. Here!

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownJuly 20, 2011 at 6:19 PM

    That's gotta be the most fucked-up scorpion I've ever seen. Spider? Scorpion/spider hybrid? Iunno.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AliciaJuly 20, 2011 at 7:06 PM

    THAT THING IS TERRIFYING. THAT IS ALL.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ShandleJuly 20, 2011 at 9:15 PM

    I AGREE WITH ALICIA!

    ReplyDelete
  7. kinselJuly 20, 2011 at 9:48 PM

    A. I love all of you for commenting! YAY COMMENTS!

    B. Y'all have nothing to worry about. You guys are all safe from Blongster! You're already here! He only goes after the rest of the internet.

    C. THANK YOU FOR THE GOLD STAR, LAC! I am very tempted to print it out and shove it in beside my diploma. Then I can be all "I graduated Magna cum laude AND I'm a Blog-Posting Champ. How can you NOT accept me, graduate schools? Don't you know that CHAMP stands for 'Carly Has Awesome Medical Powers'? JEEZ. Tell your colons to get your shit together."

    That's totally how it would go down.

    ReplyDelete
  8. NinaJuly 21, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    D:

    Blongster looks like something I would hide from should I ever see it crawling on my floor/walls.

    *shudder*

    ReplyDelete
  9. kinselJuly 21, 2011 at 6:36 PM

    Hmm, if I were to put oven mitts over his blinged-out claws and caps on his teeth while he's around you guys, would that make it better? He just wants to be loved, too. WHERE IS THE LOVE FOR POOR BLONGSTER?

    ReplyDelete

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